I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
