oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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