I think my fart just growled at me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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