pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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