I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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