I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
