watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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