The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
