I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
