May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
