Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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