i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So many bounce houses so little time
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
