oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
