I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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