I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
