I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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