There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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