i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
