I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
