I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize