If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
