Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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