She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
