I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
