she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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