So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
