We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
