True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
