phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize