what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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