VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
