so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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