So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
