I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
