I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
