ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
