So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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