Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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