im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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