too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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