So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
