My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
