she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
