Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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