You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
