Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
