The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
