Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
