Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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