Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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