So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
