No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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