which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
