I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
