My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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