good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
