I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
40s are totally the cure
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
