Where is the hickey?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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