Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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