First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
