guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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