You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
