Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The uberlube is also flammable
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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