My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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