Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
