I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
