dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
is that a dick in a sweater?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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