great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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