Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
